Hello, my name is Claudia and I am a Compulsive Perfectionist ... you can clap now if you want :)
This discovery has taken me years to assumed, lately I've been driving myself and my family crazy so I decided to take charge of it and went back to therapy ... yes I've been to therapy before
I'm the kind of person that would recommend therapy to everyone, I know not everyone agrees with me but that's ok, I still think everyone should go :) We all have unresolved issues, it is so good for you to talk to someone that you trust but yet is not emotionally connected with you, you are not going to hurt his/her feelings if you tell her that you feel a certain way about something. She has the capability to put things in perspective for me, we can talk about anything and before I know it I'm spilling the beans about something I haven't though about in a long time. I love Jennifer She is a God sent into my life, I wish I was a millionaire and I could see her every week for the rest of my life ha ha ha ha.
This time around I've discovered that as much as I hate to admit I manage my time poorly, I am a control freak when it comes to our children (in my mind no one can do thing the way I can and therefore it's hard for me to delegate or I have to check things after someone else has done a perfectly fine job), this is also the reason why is so hard for me to accept the fact that Nicolas is starting public school and will be in Kindergarten in a few months (see I have issues!! I told you!!). I've also learned that I enjoy the comfort of my home too much so I find excuses not to go out and have a good times with friends! Which I truly enjoy once I've done it but the process to get it workout and do it is so hard for me, you would never know that about me because I am a social butterfly, I have lots of friends, I feel that I invest on my friendships, I take time to check on them, send a text, I pray for my friends, I'm thinking about ways to be an encouraging friend, etc. I may not divide my time among friends very wisely but I try (time management again UGH).
I've learned so many things about myself ... and confirmed the fact that I'm a compulsive perfectionist, I want to do it all and I want it to be done perfectly. I wish that would show on my housekeeping skills, I wish I was OCD and my house was always spotless but unfortunately is a big mess, toys are everywhere, pills of laundry are scattered in different places, etc but in my head I want to do it all and I want it done with perfection, of course I'm never going to achieve that so I become frustrated easily, I'm working on it, it's a work in progress, I'm thankful that my husband is still with me and my children still want to spend time with me is all I can say right now ...
In other thoughts, last night when I was laying down with my boy, for our daily snuggling session -which some nights is just a few minutes and some nights is longer and some nights daddy snuggles with him- he told me I didn't spend enough time with him today, I told him I'd like to spend some time with Daddy, he said "You ALWAYS spend time with Daddy, it's not fair! (that's his new favorite phrase ... it's not fair!) I asked him if he remember the time we spend together at the store (I truly enjoyed our weekly grocery trip yesterday, he was awesome, I was calm, he had fun, he even offered to help unload the groceries from the car which he has NEVER done before, he even told Mat "C'me on Daddy, let's go get more stuff out of the car, hurry up! I thought it was a great time together), the time we spend while I washed him in the bathtub, the time we spend reading a few words in his dictionary book (he has one with pictures, it's really fun!) but yet that wasn't enough, I knew what he meant, I feel it too but I work, I only see him a few hours a day and I feel guilty about it and that's why I CAN NOT WAIT UNTIL SUMMER COMES!!!!!!! Because I won't HAVE to go to work or anywhere for that matter, I'll be at home with them, staying in our PJs all day if we want to, coloring our back porch with chalk all over if we want to, eating popsicles while we put our feet in the water in the hot afternoons and all those fun things. Yes I know I'm going to have to cook, clean, do laundry and all of that too but see, I'll have time!!!! In my mind is going to be so awesome!!!!!!!!! (unrealistic expectations?!?!) So even though I named the times we spend together, none of those times were exclusively his, I was doing my errands and trying to spend time with him, I was washing him while spending time with him ... but isn't that the way families spend time together? Hold on my sweet boy, summer is around the corner and we'll get to spend time together doing fun stuff, doing what you want to do at times and doing errands and housework that needs to be done together!
I feel this is long enough for now, I better stop my thoughts for now (yeah that's another thing sometimes my thoughts keep going faster than I can catch them ... have I said compulsive already?)