Friday, February 20, 2009

So What If

(before you start reading this I have to let you know this talks about something very personal in a woman - my period - so if you are grossed out by the subject, well just close this window and go somewhere else :D)

Normally I am like a clock (of course that has nothing to do with me, it's all thanks to my birth control) I know exactly what day it's coming, so when this present month it came 5 days later, I literally freak out! I know! I know! I shouldn't, I'm on the pill, right? Well you know, we all know the friend of a friend who got pregnant - even though she was on the pill - we've also heard the stories of women who decided to change their birth control and then something happened and boom! next thing you know ... they are pregnant - so all these stories were crumbling on my head, but quickly I went back to "in control mode" and I told myself the next day would be the day and everything would be fine. The days passed and passed (it felt more like weeks) and I started to wonder what if. Oh my!! the thoughts that went through my head and the speed!! I didn't know I was capable of such but I guess our mind is so powerful that when we get to this stage we completely loose it.

"But what if I'm pregnant??" ... "what am I gonna do??" ... "we can't afford 2 on daycare ... I would have to stay home send me straight to the mental institution I think I would have to do it, God wouldn't send me anything I can't handle", I know that in my heart, I know!! but my rational side kept reminding me how impatient I am with just one cute funny sweet toddler boy. How could I do this with my almost perfect toddler and a BABY!!!!!
"Oh Noooo ... this can't be happening" ... "Matt and I have finally came to peace about being fine with just the 3 of us"

So this is how I spent the last 5 days of my life. I started telling some close friends - thinking that because I was sharing it wouldn't come true (not sure where that came from but that was my reasoning, I told you I lost it!) - and another day went by and I had finally decided to buy a pregnancy test. One of my best friends suggested to buy the cheap one from the Dollar store, I thought "Uhm ... nope ... I have to buy the expensive one since I need to be really sure!" then as I was driving from work straight to the super store to buy one I called Matt. He told me I was panicking, my period was going to come. He said "if by next week it hasn't come then buy the test" my answer was "ARE YOU CRAZY???????? I CAN'T WAIT 'TIL NEXT WEEEEEEEEEK!!!!!!!" so he quickly knew my hormones were kicking and he said "well honey is your body, your pee, do what you feel is best!" I love the simplicity of my husband! He also suggested to buy the "cheepo" test, he said that way if it comes, at least you just wasted a buck. (yes he's frugal too) so I listened to him and I went to the Dollar Store, looked around for more items, I felt weird just buying that, it was pretty obvious what I was going through, I walked around trying to find something else to buy but I didn't and as I was in line waiting to pay for the test that was going to give me the answer I was searching for, my body did it instead! Haaaaaaa ... what a relief! I bought the test anyway - who knows if I have another one of these panic moments - at least the $1.00 wasn't wasted, right?

After that, as I'm driving to some of my favorite stores (Old Navy & Target) I texted my friend to let them know "it has come" and they were happy for me and I was even happier, I felt so light, so relief, so free!! I had the best time shopping by myself for 2 hours, great deals (something good that comes from a bad economy is that everyone is having ridiculous sales). Came home to my cute, funny, sweet toddler boy and my understanding sweet husband, had a wonderful Chick-Fil-a Meal, Nicolas was oh so happy that Mommy was home and boy was I glad to be home, with just the 3 of us!!!!

One good thing came out of all this, Matt & I had a great talked that night, after our little one was asleep, we talked about the whole thing and we feel that we could have one more child, right now is just not the time -

unless God feels different and next month I'll be blogging about my unplanned pregnancy - crap

- anyway ... there you have it.

note: I just want to clarify I admire women who stay at home and take care of their families 24/7. I just don't feel like I'm that type of woman - may be I'm still too selfish and immature, who knows! certainly not me.

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