Monday, January 18, 2010
A blink of an eye
In four more weeks - to this day - I'll be holding my baby girl. Unless HE decides something different for her
I have started to wash all the hand-me-downs we've been so blessed to have. Her room is just a big mess, box after box of clothes that are nicely washed now, empty walls, parts of a crib that hasn't been put together yet, some clothes of our son still left on the dresser and so on, you get the picture!
Of course with our first born things were done and in place by now :0) but like you hear over and over again, it is so different with the 2nd child (I'm sure even more with the 3rd and 4th ... I won't know about that b.c for now we are happy with 2).
I have felt so tired, so emotional, so uncomfortable, I'm glad we forget these things because what good would it do, I do remember one bad night when I was expecting Nicolas, when I could barely roll over in my own bed and I started crying because I couldn't take it much longer. I am sure there were plenty more moments like those in my first pregnancy. At that point I was just a few weeks from having him, I was much bigger with him than what I'm with her.
This time the struggles are different, this past Sat. I cried because I couldn't do what my son wanted me to do, he wanted to lay on top of me while we watch TV, which we've always done, well my belly is so big now that is humanly impossible for me to breath carrying both of my babes on top of me! So I was frustrated and I went to wake up my husband so he could go and play with our boy while I cried in bed. After a big cry I was better!
At the end of the day I'm cranky, inpatient, tired, achy, not a good combination. Some days are better than others, like the other day when I got to go home earlier and I was able to take an hour nap before my men came home. I was rested, happy, cooked supper, we ate together, it was a good night!! Those are the ones that I want to remember forever, the ones I want my son to remember forever, I know he won't have many memories of this age, at least that's what my friends tell me when they look back, they don't remember their lives before their brothers or sisters came along. Which is a good thing I guess, I didn't have sibling so I don't know how all this works, to be honest this scares me a little, I won't be able to put myself in my kids' place but that's a good thing, I know how it feels to be an only child - when you are a child is awesome!!!!! when you grow up ... not so much!!!
I'm excited about many things, of course our daughter coming, Nicolas becoming a big brother, us becoming a family of four! I know the years ahead won't be easy, we had just started to enjoy our full nights of sleep again (yes it took our son 3 years to sleep through the night), we are much nicer people when we sleep well, don't we? It was easy to leave him so we could go out on dates, spending time with other couples at night, enjoying a movie together, going out to eat, etc. Having our own time alone too, his night, her night ... and now it all starts back again, interrupted nights therefore cranky mornings, tight money, dealing with an emotional toddler and a newborn baby and the list goes on. The point is we made this choice, we knew what we were getting ourselves into, we've done it before, we survived and we made it and these three years with Nicolas had been a breeze, yes when you are in the middle of it you feel like this is never going to end but when you look back you wonder where has time gone. When did my baby boy became an independent emotional very verbal toddler??? In a blink of an eye --- this reminds me of something Matt told me 15 years ago in a video that my "host parents" brought me to Chile when they visited down there after living with them for a year. He said something along these lines "Hi Baby! by the time you see this Fred & Merle will be in Chile with you, I love you and I miss you very much. I know we need to be separated right now, I know you need to go to school (university) to us it may be a long time but to God is just a blink of an eye" I'll never forget those words, specially because a lot happened after that and yes we are together today, getting ready to have our second child together.
That's life, isn't it?