Trying harder

Do you ever try to be difficult?

Apparently I don't even have to try, apparently it comes natural :(

I guess that's just part of being a woman? a mom? a wife? ... I know! that's no excuse. But I promise I try ... I pray ... I bite my lip ... I pray some more ... I try hard not to be that way and when I'm having one of those moments after a long time of things going great I feel like no one's cutting me any slack ... I mean anyone can have a bad night, right?

Yes I know this is sounding like Poor Me post ... may be it is ... another one of my pity parties ... remember, everyone is always invited :)

All I can say is I'll try harder, I'll pray harder - I can't bite my lip any harder or I'll hurt myself - can I blame it on the fact that I've never play sports??? - ... yeah I know ... nice try, right?

Isn't that why we always have tomorrow to make it better?

Hold on tomorrow ... here I come!

Anyone having those moments lately?


**UPDATE**

Ok so God said "you wanna try harder? ... I'll give you a visual so you can remember what life's all about" Matt had a wreck today, neither him nor the other driver involved were hurt but of course, this makes you think, all it takes is one second and your whole life can be thrown out the window ... yes I need to try harder!!

Saturday Sillyness

As we are driving somewhere Nicolas says:

"My boogie is gone!"

Me: "What did you said?"

N: "My boogie is gone!"

Me: What happened to it? (trying to figure out what in the world is he talking about)

N: "I put it in my mouth!" followed by a big smile!

I'm laughing hard - I can't hold it - I know what he's talking about now, yeap ... it came from his nose and he ate it. As I'm laughing I'm trying to tell him that really is something we shouldn't do. I know I shouldn't laugh but I love his sense of humor.

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I'm really disappointed at the cute Sesame Street Underwear I bought last week, Nicolas loved them and so did I until I realized the size 4T looks more like a 24 months after one time going through the washer and dryer. Ugh!

Any suggestion on a good brand? one that it won't shrink that quickly and that bad?

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Boogie eater ... tight sesame street undies wearer

This is our Spring Picture (these people know how to make money by coming to your preschool take different shots at your kid and then they let you take the whole 10 sheets home and you are to return the ones you don't want ... what??? I want them all. I'm biting my fingers not to buy them all).

Pure Fun

I don't normally post twice on the same day but what I'm about to share deserves its own post, at least on my eyes, the eyes of a mother filled with love, gratitude and sweetness and I don't know what else ...

Tonight Nicolas was taking his bath, like we do religiously every night, I use that word because this child can not stand not to take his bath, may be is because we let him play in the water for a while before we actually wash him, may be is because he knows he will get one on one time with Daddy ... not sure but he loves it. While he plays in the water I try to use that time to either clean the kitchen or do what's needed at the house. Tonight I was cleaning his closet, getting out all those pants, sweaters, jackets, socks, underwear, shoes and much items that are too small for him now :( While I was doing that, my sweet boy called me so I went and asked him what he needed, he said "Mommy! You wanna get in the water with me??" I didn't think about it for 2 seconds and said "sure!" He smiled really big and said "Come on Mommy! Take your PJs off and get in the water" so I did ... I realize this may be weird for many of you, since I often see pictures of Moms wearing their bathing suits in the tub with their babies - which is much weirder to me :) since there's nothing sweeter and innocent than being skin to skin with your baby! But anyways ... I understand we are from different cultures and that's ok ... point is, Nicolas was so excited when I got in the water with him, you would of thought I was ... I don't know ... someone taken from one of his favorite book or something ... he quickly gave me few of his many toys. "You play with the froggie and I play with the crab" . It was such a special time, we played, I washed him, he wanted to wash my face, never faced by the fact that I was naked and my body looks completely different than his, no question asked, this was PURE FUN!! (pure as "nothing other than fun" and pure as "PURITY")

After we were both dried and ready, we watched what seems to be his favorite show these days "Wonder Pets". In tonight's episode they were rescuing a "baby kangaroo" so the sweet voices of the wonder pets kept asking "baby kangaroo??" this or that ... "mommy kangaroo" bla bla bla ... I guess my boy liked that because pretty soon he informed me he was baby kangaroo so I played along and every time we talked (which is like non-stop while we are together ... the boy is a talker, what can I say) he would end up his phrases with Mommy Kangaroo and I did the same thing with him, "Baby Kangaroo? are you ready for your milk?" He would answered "sure Mommy kangaroo" and as tiring as it sounds while I'm typing it, I promise you it was the sweetest pretend dialogue we've had. He hugged me and told me "I love you Momma Kangaroo" He jumped like a kangaroo for me. Kissed me. Hugged me. Snuggle with me and every time he did anything he would always use my new nickname. :) Not sure if he will remember our game tomorrow, but we'll see. May be by then we'll have to change it to a different animal.

This may mean nothing to you but it meant the world to me tonight.

Nighty night from a very happy and fulfilled Momma Kangaroo!

Amazed

I'm tired of this weather but after all the post I've read this morning I feel "silly" to say the least, to be complaining about something so small and insignificant like the weather. Ok I know if you are a farmer weather is not insignificant but I'm not so to me it is insignificant. I know my boy loves to play outside and may be that's why I don't like it, I also know that I can't stand the gray on a cloudy day, unless I'm in my dream log cabin, sitting beside a huge chimney, sipping on some wonderful hot chocolate, or cappuccino or who knows ... something nice and warm, but that's in my dreams, I happen to be at work, where things are slower than slow (don't take me wrong, I'm thankful I have a job) and jumping from one blog to the next I ended up at this one!

OOOH MY ... I can't begin to tell you how I got completely suck into reading this story, this beautiful painful heart lifting story, I had sobbed, I had praise God and I had prayed this morning, all while reading these virtual pages. I have dried my tears when a costumer has come in the door and I had to blow my nose before I answer the phone. I know, I look bad at this point but who cares, how this story lifted my heart, redirected my mind and kept me in check with all those pity things we complaint everyday. Although I've been doing much better lately, I mean ... my mood has been great ever since a wonderful decision was made (I'll have to post about this sometime ... later, when the right time comes) but still, you know, we all have those little things that get to us.

Please if you have time - or even if you don't, just take the time to do it - read this blog. I strongly encourage you to do it. Specially if you are a Mom.

Meanwhile I ask you to please keep praying for Stellan (click the box on my side bar to learn more about him) and just be happy! Be happy for the talents God has given you, for the gifts He has placed in your life, for the wonderful plan He has prepared for you (us) and for having today to live! May be you are having a bad day ... but sill is your day and we got to go through it, be happy for that opportunity.

In other "mommy" news, I have to share I am the proud "aunty" of a gorgeous Baby Boy, my sweet friend Heidi gave birth to him on the same day her first one was born three years ago, which has brought back so many memories, since I had the privilege to be in the delivery room with her and her husband that first time.

The miracle of life is just precious in every way. Amen for that!



My sweet friend and me, 3 days before she had her baby
That night we baked and decorated 75 cookies for her son's birthday party.

Yeay for grocery shopping

Oh I'm so excited, pleased and thankful for the shopping I did tonight.
I wasn't a big fan of "Go Grocery" before, may be because the need wasn't big or because I was too picky of a buyer (if is not this brand or that brand not sure I should buy it) but now?? wow now I am a big fan. We have two in my town, one down town and the other one in the next city ... which to me they are one in the same but who cares, it's close enough. So tonight for $40.00 I bought:
3 boxes of Mac-n-Cheese
1 box of angel hair spaghetti
1 big jar of tomato sauce
2 packs of coke zero cans - one cherry - one regular zero
1 bag of salad
2 bananas
1 bag of white seedless grapes
2 already cut zucchinis
2 greeting cards
2 frozen South Beach Diet Lunches
4 stakes
2.5 lbs. ground beef
1 pack of chicken tenders
1 pack of boneless pork chops (already seasoned and wrapped individually).
2 Disney Flash Lights

IS THAT AWESOME OR WHAT????????

The best part of all this is that before I went I looked at my check book and I thought "I hope I can spend about $40.00" and my total bill was $40.68

Praise God for this!

St. Patrick's day ... I'm sorry ... what?

Not sure what the big deal is with St. Patrick's day in the U.S but let me tell you it is a big deal, for the first time since I live here I'm wearing green just because I can't stand people pinching me! (I know what a grouch ... sorry I just don't like it)

My husband and I went out this past weekend to celebrate a friend's birthday and of course we ended up at the local Irish pub (probably one of the few places in town) and let me tell you it was GREEN day, green beer, people dress in green, green hats, green beads ... everything ... to me is just an excuse to party, which if that's what rock your boat, good for you ... I just don't see much point in it. I guess the same could be say by some people who doesn't get Valentine's Day or ... I don't know ... earth day ... and whatever day ... I guess that's what St. Patrick's is to me ... "whatever" day.

In Chile - as a predominant Catholic nation (not as much as it used to though) - we have a name for each day of the year, so of course today is really "San Patricio" and if your name is Patricio o Patricia you get to celebrate, nothing big, some people makes a big deal about it, others don't. My middle name - before I got married (that's good for another post, since in Chile you don't have to change your name when you are getting married, let me tell you it was hard for me) - is Patricia so today I'm celebrating, again nothing big :) is more of a saying than an actual party, if that makes sense.

Point of this post is ... I really don't understand what is there to celebrate but my son looked so cute on his St. Patrick's day Shirt I had to put it on here.

But I really would like to know what's the point, can you tell me? Do you understand the reason?



note: if you have Irish blood in you don't take this the wrong way, I'm glad you have a day to celebrate your ancestors. This has nothing to do with that.

MMMMMMMM ... MILKSHAKE!!!!!!!

Oh Milkshakes, my super duper weakness! I think most of my baby weight that took me two years to get serious about loosing was from milkshakes! I love ice cream too (obviously) but a creamy, thick, delicious milkshake is the most wonderful treat for me.

I've been dreaming about one for about two or three weeks, I've been seriously fighting that desire and I had succeeded ... UNTIL TODAY!

I had my appointment with my dietitian and she asked me how these two weeks had been (I weighted this morning before I left the house and I knew I was close to my NEVER-AGAIN-BE-THAT-WEIGHT weight, which is 150 lbs. - I feel if I'm that again it wouldn't take much for it to keep getting higher) so I was very much down, pooped, defeated, not happy with my self, so I told her all this and then I said "I've been fighting a milkshake for the last 2 or 3 weeks" She gave me this serious look and she said "then go and have one, enjoy it, don't feel guilty and put that behind you and start over". I could of just left the room right then and run to the next place to get me one but since I've waited so long I could wait a few more minutes, right? She said this thought was consuming my mind - and it really has been - and sometimes you just need to do it and get it over with, because the more you fight it the more extra calories you keep sneaking in so you can "make up" for your "deep desire of that oh so wonderful delicious incomparable tasteful milkshake".

So obviously I DID!!!!!

I left her office and since it was about lunch time I got me a Taco Salad from Wendy's and when the girl asked "and what to drink with that??" I was still debating if I should order a milkshake or a floater frosty, I took my chance with the 2nd one. I was tempted to order it with Coke Zero or Diet Coke but I felt they would laugh at me on the other side so I didn't. Got my precious floater frosty and my salad and before I could even get out of the line I took that first sip ... mmmmmmmmmmmm ... I felt so relief, that didn't last long when I realized that my cup was over floating (which in poetical ways sounds so great but literally is a horrible mess) LITERALLY ... I am making a mess in my (still new to me) car, thank God for the flooring that you can just wipe everything off, I had to stop right where I was (more or less like the middle of the parking lot) put my blinkers on and had to take care of this potentially massive mess. Of course my first thoughts were GUILT "Oh Claudia, how could you be so dumb! See what happens????" but immediately after that I though "Nope, I'm going to enjoy this, who cares this is a little sticky, this is why I have these wipes in my car, they'll take care of it and we'll go on with this oh so wonderful moment" :D

It was delicious, I was done with it before I got back to work.

Y U M M Y!

PS: I ate all my salad too, now I feel like my stomach is over floating ... ha ha ha

Crazy Dreams

Do you ever have them? It seems to me that I have those more frequently than I'd like because I feel like I didn't rest at all when I have them, or I should say when I remember what I dreamed about, I know we dream every night but we are not always capable of remembering them.

Anyway, last night I dream I was in a reality show, we were in a big house, the other contestants were all people that I knew in Chile, people I went to school with, my friend's brothers and sisters, cousins, you name it ... they were in it too.

The bad thing it was I was the one no one want it there, not because I was a threat for my great abilities (not sure what the main theme of the reality show was) but because I was the one who was always telling the truth and no one liked to hear it - that's my side of the story - I guess if you could ask the rest of them they would tell you they didn't like me because I was rude and whinny ... Soooo back to the important stuff ... I can remember dreams that I've had years ago, it's weird. They are in color, people talks in English and Spanish depending who they are or where we are in my dream.

Sometimes I dream things that are completely non-sense and unrealistic, like that one dream I had when the gremlins were taking over my house and sometimes I have dreams that are so real I feel disappointed when I wake up, like when I dream about being with my family in a fun get together, we are all laughing and having a good time.

Right after I had Nicolas I dreamed that I was pregnant again - that was more like a nightmare - and I had a little girl, i could see her, she had dark hair (like me), lots of hair (like me) she was wearing a pink sweet suit (I really don't like pink) and she was crawling already, in the house where I grew up ... may be it was me! ... mmmm ... well nope because Matt was chasing her in crawling form too! ha ha ha.

Nico wakes up sometimes in a panic screaming type of cry ... I guess the boy has dreams too, or nightmares, but he gets it honest, right? Matt has had some pretty interesting dreams himself. So I guess Nico gets a double dose if imaginative dreaming capacity.

Do you remember your dreams so vividly???

Awesome Days

Somebody must of been praying for me because I had the best weekend! I guess that comes naturally after a big argument, after looking at yourself and admitting your mistakes and trying to work for things to get better.

Friday night was a night out with my friends, actually it was at one of my friend's house for a very special party (you girls know what I'm talking about! Great and much needed time!!).

Saturday my husband stay at home while Nico and I went out for breakfast and enjoyed the lovely weather at the park. Not only we enjoyed the swing and slide but the little pond where we threw rocks. Imagine my child wanting to take his clothes off so he could get in the water in swim. (not sure who did he learned the skinny dipping from ... certainly not from his Southamerican mother who let him walk naked at his Tita's back yard while we were down there not long ago) so I quickly had to explain that this yucky water wasn't good to swim in and also that even though it was a nice temperature it really wasn't THAT hot! This little pond has always been there but I've never paid much attention to it, not sure many people does because the park was packed and we were the only ones sitting by it, that's one of the reasons why I took him away from the playground, too many people, varieties of them, some "prissy" moms - you know, those with the perfect hair and attire, everything matches, even the outfit on their "Hollywood" style dogs. As jugdemental as that sounds, I want to explain that I was shocked to see such a prototype at our local part, you know, we live in WNC, this is where you see moms wearign sweat pants and their hair is pull back or may be "paw paw" on his overalls is swinging the kiddos, we don't see style at the park, really! It doesn't match our surroundings ... ha ha ha ... so needless to say I was a little surprised. I also saw a family (dad, mom, toddler girl and baby boy) who came to the swings, mom and dad were constantly getting at each other to see who was the closer to baby boy, "he likes to play with me better" "I have something I can give him you can't never do" back and forth - (mmmmm ... strange day at the playground I guess) - Soon after that, Dad decided to light up a cigarette on the playground (now we are talking about our regular surroundings ... ha ha ha) which even though I'm an ex-smoker I don't appreciate that. So as you can imagine the playground got more and more crowded and filled with "different" people so my son and I went away to the pond area - WAIT A MINUTE!!!! what an intolerant person I've become! - point to ponder about later - So I wasn't really surprise when Mom (the same one with the rest of the family there) was pulling out bags full of clothes out of her trunk, was she sorting them to take them to the local Goodwill??? Did they live in their car??? (I seriously doubt it, everyone was very clean), did she just did her laundry at the Laundromat and she was folding while kids were playing with dad??? I'll never know I guess but now Mom was wearing a different top than before, we went from a plain white t-shirt to a strapless black stretchy top ... mmmmm ... (I promise I paid attention to my child while we were there, all these information was registered on my brain with just one quick look).

Anyways ... it was a fun time for my son and I, certainly entertaining for both of us.

By the time we got home he was already asleep, Yeay for a good nap and YEAY for Daddy who had the house looking perfect! I took a nap too - yes even though i didn't clean I was tired and I wanted my sacred nap - I woke up to the laughter of my boy playing outside with his daddy. I went outside, play a little and then we came back inside, Dad grilled (YEAY DAD - YOU DID SO MUCH FOR US THIS WEEKEND!) while I clean the plastic pool that had spent all winter out, halfway folded in our back deck, our son didn't understand why we couldn't put water in it so he could play with the water, again IS NOT THAT HOT SON!! COME ON!! Of course I was bare footed and I got a splint on my little toe that hurt a lot, while we were trying to get the last piece out I kept repeating to myself, "Come on! you've had a child, you can stand this!" It came out finally and we were able to enjoy our supper as a family, my favorite time that is!!!

What an awesome day!!!!!!!

Sunday came with the time change, Matt and I were hurting more than Nico was with this change, may be because I stay up doing cross-stitch and Matt was watching TV until 1:30 am. We had a good Sunday too, typical, church, nap, play time, good restful evening!

A Bunch of Honesty

My best friend here always prayed for Satan to stay out of her marriage - back in the day when we all had bible study together - and she was the one who had been married longer we all looked at her and giggle a little bit - little I knew what she meant back in those years.

Next month my husband and I will be married for 6 years and I feel the need to pray for this same thing now! Not that things are horrible or there are other parties involved or anything like that, but there's just so many pity things that get on my head, things that are really not important, not life threatening, stupid little things that aggravate me. Do you ever feel like this? And I Know that's what it is, I can hear his stinky little voice in my head going "Claudia? why should you be the one picking this from the floor when he's the one who left it in there?" "you work too" "you are tired too!!" and on and on it goes, I know that's not God talking to me. Few Sundays ago our Pastor said something so true - he said our worst enemy is ourselves and then Satan. I feel like I'm my worst enemy right now, how I allow my mind to get worked up and upset over a stupid apple core that's where I don't think it should be. Is that really THAT important???? Gosh noooo is not ... then why I make such a big deal over it.

I'm in need of something ... not a pill, not a cigarette (although the thought of it sound oh so good --- I haven't done that in years and certainly I don't intend to go back) but to be connected with God, to be in his word, to be on my knees and pray. If you read this and you know God, please pray for me, I want to be the loving wife that I once was (not the witch I've become lately), I want my child not to ever see me cry again but to see my smile and my playful self - that's all a 2 year old should see from his mommy - I'm not sure why I'm writing all this stuff in here - but I just felt the need to let it all out, to be honest with myself and everyone around me, because not everything is perfect, not everything is roses and honey, life is hard, marriage is hard but we are here and it's our duty to make the best out of it, you can chose what your focus in life is, mine is my husband and my son. I used to have a career (that I really didn't care for) I still have a job outside the house but that's not the main reason of my life, my reason for living are my men (my husband and my son) and living a Christian life with them. I'm far from perfect and I have a long way to go on my walk with God but we are here and we are trying, that's what counts.

This and That

The day finally came!!!!!!, the day that I heard my son squirming on time to take him and sit him on the potty, so he could poop in our own bathroom at home, considering he had done it in three other houses but not ours ... well, it was about to kill me! But God gave us a full snow, which meant no school, which meant we were stuck inside, which meant I was close enough to hear him and not distracted (I was on Facebook at the time) it was a wonderful moment for both of us. A moment we spent together, seeing his face as he did it was priceless and then when he took his first look at it, his words were "Look Mommy!!! I made a SNAKE!!!" ... we shouted it in celebration, immediately we called Daddy to inform him of such an event and he was excited too! Soon after that I told Nicolas we were probably going to the store after his nap and his reaction was "yeay, so we can buy a movie!" I guess the boy remember the offer that I made a long time ago when I was begging him to use the potty at home! I guess his hard disk doesn't miss a dab of information.

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The other night we were home and I was upset (go figure that one, ME? UPSET????) so I was frantically cleaning (that's what I do when I get to that point of aggravation) and Nicolas came to me, looked at my crappy lovely face and said "Mommy? Are you mean???" The inside of me wanted to yell and said YES CAN'T YOU TELL??? but I just tried to forcefully change my expression and pretend I was this wonderful mom and said "No honey, Mommy is just upset". Needless to say every time I've been mad after that, he asks me the same question. Dang it I'm Mean!! what can I say, obviously I can hide it very well.

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Our boy is not a snow child and neither is our dog. We've tried this twice and it just hasn't worked, first of all the whole process of putting snow suit, snow boots, snow gloves, big coat and hat takes us forever, not because is hard but when you have an excited two year old who is bouncing from place to place, it takes forever to get all this done. Then, we go outside and after two seconds he's crying and ready to go back inside, following him is our dog. So few days ago, Matt and I walked through our driveway and back - finding places where the snow reach just bellow our knees, it was awesome. I've officially made my first snow angel! (Can you tell I grew up in a place where we never got snow?). We took pictures and have a fun little walk, God sent our neighbor by, who was driving his big tractor and offered to clear up our driveway, if that would of not happened I'm not sure we would of been able to get out of here any time soon.

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Tonight I'm having a pity party ... anyone wants to come? Hurry up it's almost over.